Let’s pretend for a minute that this whole publication is more than just an exhibit in meta-journalism, and that we are in some modest ways permitted to actually make comments on the world in which we live, though by such tools most subtly or humorous we must employ. We’ve been critically lambasted for doing so in the past, but pretend for a second we have a message to send, and that we can do it within the confines of a review of Pixar’s new film Wall-e.
When we were in the fine town of Helena, a major city we affectionately took to calling a town because it embodied all the personality and charm we’ve come to expect from small college towns. It’s not a small college town. No, the college they have is massive beyond belief, and Jesuit at that, but we had no time to pay them a visit, so no matter what they might say about us, we’ve passed no judgment about them in kind.
I tease, and as much as I can. I know nothing of the Jesuits, nor their colleges, nor their interactions with whatever communities in which they have schools. I assume they’re like the Amish in that they sell furniture and trinkets to the lay persons, while their students study whatever it is they do. I study numbers and letters, so I can only imagine they’re some bit ahead of me.
And still I tease, because I have no more a desire to offend them than I have an understanding of whatever it is they’re actually doing in there. Probably something pious in contrast to my own taking visits to the KFC, Pizza Hut and CineMark movie theater… at least two out of the three beat my expectations.
Let’s bed all that preface by saying Helena was a really great town to visit, the Jesuits are surely good neighbors, and that our day concluded its chaos ideally with a sit-down at the heart-of-downtown theater “CineMark.”
And with that all said, let’s get on to the commentary on Wall-E, and thereby the very notion of copyright protection by extension… I never said this was going to be a light article now did I?
Because of the difficult nature of managing our entourage, it’s a rare occurrence that we actually go out to see a movie. It takes a special confluence of circumstance to bring it about, such as a film as highly pre-rated and reviewed as Wall-e, as well as our own natural need to take a load off our feet in an air conditioned environment, specifically with a bucket of popcorn almost as big as me in my hands.
The CineMark is a fine theater for all that. It’s very new and modern, boasts Dolby 5.1 throughout, and even offers stadium-style seating, which means even folks as short as us need never fear an inability to see. Likewise it means our perpetual standing-up throughout the film will never block the view for those poor souls behind us.
So we’ve established that the CineMark is a fine place, so let’s get back to our pretendomaginary hypothetical speaking to the decade-old war between people who make millions (and movies) against those who enjoy the very same movies (though sometimes not by the means of highest profit, as the film studios might like).
Imagine a landmark film like The Simpson’s Movie coming out. We paid to see it opening day, and that was five tickets. We paid to see it again (another five tickets) and MissLissa bought us the DVD when it hit stores, but… we also downloaded it illegally… Why?
Because we wanted to and we could. We aren’t technological idiots and we weren’t stealing anything. We still bought two tickets a pop (that’s 10 tickets if you’re not a master mathatician), plus the DVD, so that would tell me that we were the very demographic they were after. They got good money out of us, even though we procured a lackluster version of it to hold us over between our regularly scheduled (paid) viewings.
The same is true with Wall-E. We saw it once in the theater (five tickets), and once again at the Drive-In (double feature with the Hulk, which none of us, drivers and handlers included, could stay awake long enough to enjoy, though they swear the first half hour was great). When it comes out on DVD, there’s no doubt Wall-E it will be added to our collection.
With that said, imagine for a second what would happen if we downloaded a copy to watch in betwixt. I’d say that we did, but I know (even at my age) that we could only admit such things in the guise of satirical hypothetificion. If I say we did, I’m on the hook for $10,000 in fines, even though we’ve already bought 10 tickets, and the movie has grossed a solid half-billion dollars.
Maybe it’s time to reconsider intellectual property. I’m as intellectual as any and I’ve published as much as Pixar, but I don’t have my billions yet, so where’s my money? I’m not going to go out and launch a wave of lawsuits today (and neither will Pixar, but the MPAA will, and they’ll do it under the authority of Pixar, so let’s not split hairs while we’re naming heirs).
The audacity of the MPAA to railroad pre-teen kids with million-dollar lawsuits isn’t just offensive, it’s an affront to everything we’ve ever known as a society. They pay millions to run ads saying that downloading media is the same as walking into a store and walking out with hard-copy media, which is shoplifting. This is flatly untrue and a horrible lie on its face. It’s different because, even though the printed media only costs pennies, the store is on the hook to pay dollars for it. If you shoplift from your local store, even though the producer will only lose a nickel, that neighborhood reseller will lose dollars, because the MPAA/RIAA demands these merchants pay full price for it, even if it was stolen out of inventory.
So who’s the thief in that equation? The merchant is the victim, plainly, and the cause-in-fact is the shoplifter, but the greater cause, the cause-in-fact, is the distributor who demands full payment regardless of what happens with the finished media.
I’m here to argue that internet media distribution doesn’t diminish media sales, and I know that because we own literally a thousand movies, counting conservatively. We do pay to see movies in the theater, and we buy them as sure as we like them, especially if they have good bonus features, which almost all kids’ movies do these days.
So if I download a terrible, nearly unwatchable copy of a movie I’ve already paid to see (perhaps twice) just because the DVD hasn’t had the good sense to come out yet, does that make me a criminal?
Yes it does. I am a criminal. I steal money from the producers of the movies I love the most, even though they get at least one (often two or three, times 3-5 people, plus DVD sales) admission fares, it’s not enough to satisfy them, I guess.
But this is all just an exercise in fiction, after all, since I’d never admit to committing such horrible crimes… right?
Getting back to the article of a million words ago, let me tell you that the Cinemark theater in Helena, Montana is a great theater. They have new screens, state of the art audio and video reproduction, all the latest first-run films, and more than enough air conditioning and popcorn to meet even the most fickle of needs.
I should also say, while I’m here, that Wall-E wasn’t just a fine film; it was fantastic. It was the best Pixar production to date, according to my driver (Daddy-O), and whatever I thought of it, it held my attention for the hour and a half it took to watch it… great film man, seriously; just excellent.
This theater has it all, from sticky floors to true surround sound to films including Wall-E, even on opening day. The air conditioning was nice too, but I’m not too picky. I only demand perfection.
